Dig for that gold!
About a year ago, on November 14th, 2007, the following appeared in the UK newspaper, The Independent.
The following exchange took place on Craigslist, the New York community message board:
“What am I doing wrong?
I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25-year-old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City so I don’t think I’m over-reaching at all. Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a businessman who made around 200-250K. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. $250,000 won’t get me to Central Park West. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker, and lives in Tribeca. She’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? Here are my questions specifically:
- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics - bars, restaurants, gyms.
- What are you looking for in a mate?
- Is there an age range I should be targeting?
- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the Upper East Side so plain? What’s the story there?
- Lawyers, investment bankers, doctors. How much do those guys really make? And where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
- How do you rich guys decide on marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY.”
An Investment Banker’s Response:
“I qualify as a guy who fits your bill - I make more than $500K per year. Here’s how I see it: Your offer is a plain and simple crappy business deal. What you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity - in fact, it is very likely that my income will increase, but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful! So, in economic terms, you are a depreciating asset. In Wall Street terms, we’d call you a trading position - not a buy and hold. It doesn’t make good business sense to ‘buy you’ (which is what you’re asking) - so I’d rather lease. The deal that makes sense for me is dating, not marriage.”
Now, despite the revulsion and disgust that was my immediate response, part of me has to admire the obvious naked (he he) truth of this (spectacularly beautiful) girl’s request. You do have to wonder if she realizes that in addition to coming across as selfish and greedy, she’s incredibly shallow. The only thing she offers is her beauty. She even points out that her yoga classmate bagged someone better than she was ever able to. So, does this girl have a personality, or is she basically a lifetime prostitute bought like a single premium annuity.
Now, the businessman’s response is classic. “The only thing you offer is your looks, so I think I’ll try you out and them dump you on the curb when those crows feet set in. Heck, you don’t even mention if you’re any good when getting nailed or if you spit or swallow. By the way, the guys you want consider you too old since you’re way past your sell date for Barely Legal.”
Am I just being mean when one of the the “I’m pretty therefore better than you” crowd gets put in her place?
Now, I’m told there was a further response from Ms. I have no marketable skills and must gold dig to survive. I’ve not been able to find it but if you’ve read it, please let me know.